We often judge others based on our own perspective, missing the unseen struggles or intentions behind their actions. The Gospel account of Nicodemus visiting Jesus at night (Jn 3:1-21) offers a profound lesson in empathy, showing how Jesus met Nicodemus with understanding and grace rather than judgment. By exploring this encounter, we can learn to approach others with the other-centered love Jesus exemplified, supported by verifiable wisdom from Scripture and saints.

The Nighttime Visit: Jesus’ Empathy in Action

Nicodemus, a Pharisee and member of the Sanhedrin, came to Jesus under the cover of darkness. The Gospel of John records, “Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. He came to Jesus by night” (Jn 3:1-2). One might hastily judge Nicodemus’ nighttime visit as secretive or timid, assuming he lacked the courage to meet Jesus openly. Yet, Jesus did not rebuke him or turn him away, despite the demands of His ministry. The Gospels describe Jesus’ tight schedule: “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane… and great crowds followed him” (Mt 26:36; Mt 4:25). Mk 6:31 notes, “For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.” Exhausted as He likely was, Jesus welcomed Nicodemus.

Why? Jesus saw beyond appearances. As a Pharisee, Nicodemus risked his reputation by associating with Jesus, a figure controversial among the religious elite. A daytime visit could have invited scrutiny or ridicule. Alternatively, Nicodemus may have had daytime obligations or hesitated to interrupt Jesus’ crowded ministry. Jesus, perceiving his heart, responded with patience, engaging in a profound conversation about spiritual rebirth (Jn 3:3-8). This encounter reveals Jesus’ ability to see from Nicodemus’ perspective, prioritizing his need over convenience or societal norms.

This story challenges us to pause before judging others’ actions. St. Augustine wrote, “Do not judge others by your own measure, nor think that what is easy for you is easy for them” (Sermons, 231.5). Jesus’ example calls us to seek understanding rather than condemnation, recognizing that others’ choices may stem from unseen burdens.

The Danger of Hasty Judgments

Our tendency to judge without understanding is a universal struggle. We see someone’s behavior—tardiness, silence, or an abrupt response—and assume laziness, indifference, or hostility. Yet, these snap judgments often unravel when we learn the full story. Proverbs 18:13 warns, “If one gives answer before hearing, it is his folly and shame.” Similarly, St. John Chrysostom cautioned, “Let us not judge others harshly, for we do not know their hidden struggles” (Homilies on Matthew, 71.4).

In 2017, a viral video showed Keaton Jones, a middle schooler from Tennessee, tearfully describing being bullied at school. The video, posted by his mother, Kimberly Jones, garnered widespread sympathy, with celebrities like Chris Evans and Cardi B offering support. However, soon after, social media users unearthed old photos of Keaton’s family posing with Confederate flags, leading to accusations of racism. Many judged Keaton and his family harshly, assuming the bullying was deserved or that the family held hateful views. The backlash was swift, with some questioning the authenticity of Keaton’s pain.

Later, reports clarified that the photos were misinterpreted. Keaton’s family explained the images were taken years earlier, and Keaton himself had no involvement. The bullying stemmed from his socioeconomic status and physical appearance, not racial issues. Those who rushed to judge realized their error, but not before causing additional pain to a child already suffering. This incident, covered by outlets like CNN and The Washington Post, underscores how incomplete information fuels misjudgment. Had critics sought Keaton’s perspective, they might have responded with compassion rather than condemnation.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Empathy

Jesus’ encounter with Nicodemus and stories like Keaton’s highlight the need for empathy—an other-centered approach that seeks to understand before concluding. Here are practical, concrete ways to emulate Jesus’ example:

1. Pause and Reflect: Before judging, ask, “What might this person be experiencing?” Jas 1:19 advises, “You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” A moment of reflection can prevent hasty assumptions.
2. Ask Questions: Engage with curiosity rather than accusation. Instead of assuming why someone is late, ask, “Is everything okay?” This mirrors Jesus’ openness to Nicodemus, creating space for honest dialogue.
3. Consider Context: Like Nicodemus, people act within constraints—social, emotional, or practical. We must strive to understand the trials of others, for there is always something hidden. Imagining their context can shift our perspective.
4. Practice Active Listening: When someone shares their story, listen without planning your response. Jesus gave Nicodemus His full attention, fostering a transformative conversation. Eye contact, nodding, and summarizing what you hear show genuine care.
5. Extend Grace: Assume the best rather than the worst. Col 3:12 urges, “As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” Offering grace, as Jesus did, builds trust and understanding.

Applying Empathy in Everyday Life

Imagine a coworker who consistently misses deadlines. It is tempting to label them as irresponsible. But what if they’re caring for a sick parent or struggling with mental health? By asking, “How can I support you?” or observing their workload, you might uncover their reality. Similarly, a friend who seems distant may not be ignoring you but grappling with personal loss. Sending a kind message—“I’ve noticed you seem quiet; I’m here if you need me”—can open the door to understanding.

Empathy doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior but seeking to understand its roots. As St. Francis de Sales said, “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength” (Introduction to the Devout Life, Part III, Ch. 8). Approaching others with gentleness creates opportunities for healing and connection.

The Transformative Power of Seeing Anew

Nicodemus’ nighttime visit didn’t just benefit him; it gifted the world with Jn 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.” Jesus’ empathy bore eternal fruit. Likewise, when we see through others’ eyes, we foster reconciliation, understanding, and love.

The story of Keaton Jones reminds us that truth often lies beyond our initial perceptions. By emulating Jesus’ example—pausing, listening, and extending grace—we can break the cycle of judgment. As St. Mother Teresa said, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them” (No Greater Love, p. 22). Let us choose love, seeking to see as Jesus sees, and in doing so, transform our hearts and the world around us.